Monday, December 29, 2014

A Deadly Touch of Insomnia

My psychologist told me that insomnia can be a symptom of bipolar disorder. I was glad to hear
that diagnosis. I have Bipolar disorder.. I could feel the relief wash over my body.
I know it sounds weird. No one would be glad to hear that they have a mental illness. But I was. The symptom of insomnia has been something that has bothered me for a long time. I was just happy to know why I had not been sleeping for three years until that point.

I’m a writer with three kids, so yes I find it better to write in the evening when they are fast asleep, the house is quiet and I can think. What becomes an issue is when at 4 o’clock in the morning, I’m no longer writing but still awake watching TV and not sleeping.
I made excuses saying I was just a night owl, yet when the day comes I was expected to function like a normal adult with kids. Kids that needed to get dressed and get off to school and a toddler who cannot take care of herself. The same toddler had to watch while mommy slept on the couch because her mind and body could not stay awake any longer.
If you have ever had long-term insomnia you know what it does to you. If you have never experienced it, I’ll tell you what it was like for me.
I was grumpy and irritable all day. I was not pleasant to be around and became lazy and depressed because of it. I felt guilty for the way I felt that did not mean I could control it. I always
had headaches because I would sleep through breakfast and lunch and then sleep after dinner.
My writing career suffered and I gained weight because I would be up all night eating snacks and watching TV.

So yes I was happy when I was diagnosed and treated. I knew that I was on the road to becoming a happy and healthier me.

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