There is a song that I love by the singer/songwriter Christina Perri. It’s called “Human”. In the song she expresses how she can do and accomplish many things. However, she is not a machine. She can only do so much.
When I am suffering from a manic episode, I can feel super human. I feel an urge to accomplish my mile long to-do list all in one day. When I am engulfed in a bout of hypomania, it’s difficult for me to see that I’m only human and not a machine. I have limitations that I find difficult to understand.
The result? I usually end up depressed and overwhelmed. When people ask me to stretch and bend to accommodate them, I usually do…feeling that I must be more that what I am. I don’t say “No, I already have too much on my plate.” I just go and do and refuse to breathe or take a break.
I’m too ashamed to let other people know that I’m only human. I bleed when I get hurt, I get overwhelmed, I am easily embarrassed and most importantly I just need a break from the world sometimes. I feel like this makes me a bad mother, wife and a bad friend if I don’t go beyond my own human capabilities.
I am learning now that it’s okay to take time out for myself. Falling apart and feeling overwhelmed are what makes me human and being human is a beautiful thing. Just because I have these feelings does not make me less of a mom, a wife or a friend. I will not break , I am not fragile. I am only human and I will persist.