I was recently diagnosed with a mild case of OCD. I received the diagnosis because I have a history of obsessing over things. Sometimes they are minute tiny things and sometimes they can be big and intense.
OCD is short for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America,
“… those who have OCD suffer from unwanted and intrusive thoughts that they can't seem to get out of their heads ,often compelling them to repeatedly perform ritualistic behaviors and routines to try and ease their anxiety.”
Those with OCD become obsessed with something. They then begin to use a compulsion to get rid of the fear, doubt and anxiety.
My obsession lately has been with my weight. Last May I weighed 205lbs and I was miserable. I was overweight and suffered from hypertension at 32 years old. So I listened to my doctors and began the journey to lose weight. It is a year later and I am down 30lbs. I am proud that I have been able to lose weight and keep it off. The problem became when some real ugly thoughts began to permeate my brain. I realized that I had lost the weight before and gained it all back. I knew that I could not let up. I became obsessed with what I ate, when I ate it and how much of it I consumed. Then the fear and the anxiety began to build. It was intense and I needed some way to alleviate it.
I began to weigh myself. The only thing that would get rid of my anxiety was to get on the scale and made sure that I had not gained anymore weight. I had to know multiple times a day whether the food I consumed that day made me gain or lose weight. It sounds strange but inside my mind I need to weigh myself to feel better. I weigh myself at least 7 times a day. I am afraid that if I don’t weigh myself I will gain the weight back. I cannot get through the day without getting on the scale.
After much discussion with my therapist we decided to do a worksheet and study treatment plan. The treatment requires me to focus on the thoughts in my head and finish them. If I have thoughts of not being good enough I need to challenge those thoughts.
“I’m going to gain the weight back.” I need to confront those thoughts.
Wish me luck!